Reminders
You Are the Priority
“Put self love first, and the right people will come to you.”
If you are struggling with friendships or relationships, always remember this simple fact: you are a priority. You should not have to fight for attention or to feel loved. You should not have to go to extreme lengths to spend time with a person. If you are not being treated as a priority by others, it is your job to treat yourself as the priority.
This is not to say that the world revolves around you, and that others should run to you at your beck and call. What I mean to say is that the kind of people that will contribute to your growth are the ones who reciprocate your efforts within that friendship or relationship.
For example, if making plans is repeatedly entirely one-sided, the efforts of one are not being reciprocated by the other. When this happens to me, I feel as though I’m fighting for time with a person that is indifferent about seeing me. In my opinion, feeling this lack of appreciation is not a contribution to my growth. I would rather spend time with people who are equally as excited to spend time with me as I am with them.
Similarly, when building a romantic relationship with someone, being met with mixed signals or wishy washy behavior is certainly not ideal. Why would you want anything but certainty when beginning a new relationship? I have been in the position of chasing a person that claimed to be interested but acted otherwise. I can confirm that although it may hurt to let go in the moment, choosing yourself instead of allowing someone to half-heartedly choose you is empowering.
Give yourself the respect that you deserve, and others will follow suit. Don’t wait for others to provide you with love or attention, provide it for yourself. Prioritize self love, and the right people will come to you.
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A Love Story
“Don’t sit around waiting something to happen; it will come in due time.”
I would like to make an attempt at brightening your day with a sappy love story. My love story, to be specific. I’d like to thank the women in my life for playing matchmaker, my friends for encouraging me and the new man in my life for being his wonderful self.
One day, about five years ago, my mother made good friends with her sister’s neighbor. My mother, my aunt and my aunts neighbor would get together every once and a while for dinners and a glass of wine. Soon enough they were going on vacations and hanging out in the same circle. My aunt’s neighbor, every time she saw me, would tell me about her oldest son.
I graduated from high school, then moved on to cegep, then from cegep to university, always in the city. I met people on nights out with friends, went on dates, got bored of dating, then joined dating apps to go back out on dates. I only saw the trio of ladies once every couple of months, but my aunt’s neighbor would still tell me about her oldest son when I did see her.
I saw him while I was swiping on a dating app, which made me laugh until my stomach hurt. I showed the picture to my mom, and she confirmed: it was my aunt’s neighbor’s oldest son. I swiped, it was a match, and we started talking. We stopped talking shortly after – we never met up, we never crossed paths.
We kept going on dates (separately, of course), seeing our friends, going to school, and living our lives. Then there was a global pandemic. It was my uncle’s birthday; the laws were less strict at the time, and gatherings of ten were allowed. So, a couple of family members and close friends met in my aunt’s backyard to eat cake and sing out of tune. Everyone had already arrived, among them my aunt’s neighbor.
We sat and laughed, ate and drank. Suddenly, my mother’s eyes widened and my aunt’s neighbor shrieked. Walking in, while I was slumped in a lawn chair, dressed in a frumpy hoodie that wasn’t even my own and my oldest pair of jeans, was my aunt’s neighbor’s oldest son. He smiled and waved casually when I turned around to see who was there. He struck up a conversation with me after having caught up with my aunt’s family.
We went on two dates in the span of three days after that night. We talked for hours, he made me laugh until my face hurt, sang and danced with me in the car, and never once made a move. He left on a road trip to British Colombia on the fourth day. We chatted online for the month until he got back. The first thing he did when he arrived at my door was kiss me.
We went 20 years in the same small town, knowing each other’s families, a whole year taking the same train and going to the same university, and matched on a dating site but never actually met until that one night. If this story is an indication of anything, it’s that everything happens for a reason and that things will happen when it’s time. Enjoy, and make memories every day. Don’t sit around waiting something to happen; it will come in due time.
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Be Kind to Yourself
“Many of us are responsible for being our own worst enemy. It’s time for that to stop.”
We’re all victims of the meanness in our critical mind’s eye. I’ve been there more than a couple of times, thinking the worst things about myself. I know that others can relate, and I have a problem with that. I hate how so many of us are responsible for being our own worst enemy. It’s time for that to stop.
Here are a couple of things I want you to try and think about next time you find yourself in a slump: How far you’ve come, how far you’ll go and what your younger self would think.
Sometimes we’re too hard on ourselves because we forget how much we’ve actually accomplished. We belittle our wins, perceiving everything to be mediocre at best. That sucks. We forget to take the time to realize our hard work, our emotional growth, our aptitude for new perceptions and feelings.
Our focus on others’ opinion and perception of us gets in the way of our own opinion and perception of ourselves. Start being proud of who you are and unapologetically yourself. There is nothing that you cannot accomplish when you become your own best friend. You’re the only one holding you back from your greatest potential.
I often look back at pictures, old schoolwork or diary entries from when I was younger. I used to idolize getting older and finally getting to be an adult. I think a lot of us couldn’t wait to grow up. It always picks me up to think about adulthood in that way; the possibility to make anything happen, and having complete ownership over my own actions. Looking back will help you in realizing how far you’ve come – little you would be proud; present you should be too.
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The Weight of Your Words
“Curse words and derogatory language are for those with loud voices and little to say.”
I feel as though we’re not reminded enough about the weight of our words. Specifically, the weight of the damage that unkind words can cause. It’s an awful thing to think about all of the mean things that we’ve said, and that we’ve been told ourselves. I can still feel the sting of a couple of not-so-nice things that have been said to me, and I bet you can too. So then why do we do it?
Is there some kind of catharsis in writing a mean tweet or Instagram comment? Is there somehow a justified reason to be disrespectful to someone? Are they somehow deserving of unkindness? I can’t think of a single reason for someone to warrant rudeness. Consider how hypocritical it would be to be rude to someone – because they were rude first.
Even the most despicable people aren’t deserving of being poorly treated. That’s not to say that anyone has to put up with behavior that they don’t condone, or that they have to befriend and love those that disrespect them. However, I do think that it is much more productive to have a well-worded conversation. Regurgitating curse words and derogatory language back and forth, in my opinion, are for those with loud voices and little to say.
Not only will pushing aside aggression and unkindness stop an unnecessary cycle of unredeemable behavior, it’ll help you in understanding how you feel and why you’re feeling it. Before I took to writing diary entries, I always felt I had a chip on my shoulder.
Through writing and thinking things through, I was able to come up with actual reasons for my frustration and find the words to express them. Taking the time to think through any initial feelings of aggression and calmly put words to it is empowering. It’ll also give the proper positive weight to your words.
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Imposter Syndrome
“Putting yourself in a position to be judged and ridiculed is scary, but deciding not to follow your heart because of it is even scarier.”
Imposter’s syndrome is something that has stopped me from doing many things, like write this blog. It’s impossible to say if this feeling will ever dissipate, gradually or all at once, from my life. So, I feel it best to acknowledge it and try to move past it. If I continue to let this feeling of unworthiness rule over me I’ll never get anything worthwhile done, and that’s not the way I’d like to live out my life. There is nothing that fulfills me like writing does; I feel liberated and enlightened after I write. Writing is my tool for reflection and understanding myself as well as those around me.
Doing things simply because you feel passionately about them is becoming increasingly important. If it brightens your day or makes you feel accomplished, it is worth acting upon. Holding back on pursuing your dreams is senseless, as is comparing yourself to others and feeling unworthy because of it. Find and follow what drives you. Know that you can stand apart and be a brand of something completely unique and your own.
This blog is especially exciting for me as it marks the beginning of my own professional writing journey. I’m starting to take my writing seriously. I’m doing what makes me feel fulfilled regardless of the outcome. Feeling like an imposter in the domain that excites and entices you most is the worst. So, it’s better to just start owning your potential and taking your passions seriously. Putting yourself in a position to be judged and ridiculed is scary, but deciding not to follow your heart because of it is even scarier.
Can i still roast my friends